Cyber Dating Tips for Men

First off, let me remind everyone that I am no dater. Even when I was considered slightly more dateable I still wasn’t really a dater. But that isn’t to say I’m not aware of certain dating practices, certain customs that need to be adhered to. Certain products that generally need to be purchased and/or applied before the thing itself can be embarked upon. Like aftershave and body sprays. Perhaps a stick of gum to help one’s garlic breath in a pinch.
So there it is - I’m fairly in tune with what need and needn’t be considered on a date. Plus I’ve half-heartedly thrown my hat into the ring at least a dozen times or so in x-amount of years so I’m up to snuff on all of the latest and greatest in the art of seduction (or at least the art of the second call). I may not be considered an expert, but let’s just say I could well be considered an expert observer. And lately I’ve been expertly observing…cyber-dating.
I’ve come to discover it’s not really for me honestly. Not that I’ve ever really tried it, of course (I’m a liar) but I have this friend of mine (no I don’t) and she told me all about it so that’s how I know (I know because I went on two horrendous dates and worse, received more than enough horrendous emails and searched through some rather sketchy profiles, more than enough to last me a lifetime). Not enough to have me ironing any of the better blouses, in the end.
I do think one of the greatest benefits of cyber-dating is the chance it affords all of the best people. You know who I mean - the fellas out there who are shy, or quiet or don’t really know how to carry a tune and therefore feel a little out of sorts in social situations. To me, I feel like these men could really shine on the internet. If they could just figure out the age-old Freudian question of what women want... Or even figure out how to fit the best bits of modest, sweet, kind them within the 200 word paramenter set forth by the Cyber-dating Gods. Cause I’m telling you, fellas - from what I’ve seen, you could use a little help. I was looking through some profiles the other night for ‘research’ (and also on the off chance that Russell Crowe is single and living within 50 miles of the Owen Sound area) and they all started to blend together. A lot of the same catch phrases were being regurgitated - “No head games”, “Loves to travel”, “Long walks on the beach”, “Looking for Cameron Diaz look-alike”. Couple that with the slightly menacing mug shot of you staring unsmilingly into the camera, frequently wearing an ill chosen top (or even worse, no top at all…even if you are Gerard Butler, you still need to wear a top otherwise you seem like a bit of a braggart)…it’s not enough to make a woman - a quality woman - want to send out a smile or nudge or pinch or whatever.
So here you go fellas. A little advice to take or leave from a professional observer. This ones for you - a few tips on what to write, what not to mention, and why a picture of you alone with a great big smile is best (preferably outside and during the day - although I don’t know why).
First off, never -I mean NEVER - mention any sort of ex-girlfriend, good bad or indifferent. Here’s a little secret about us women - we all appreciate a certain skill, or prowess if you will - in the, umm…boudoir. But we’d prefer to think you were born with that skill than imagine your having perfected it with scads of practice.
Be specific about the things you love to do - biking, movies or otherwise - and for God’s sake don’t brag about all of the travelling you’ve done! It’s like one of those people who brags about having a small nose. If you’re secretly hoping for a Cameron Diaz look-alike, don’t ask for one. You’ll put off all the best gals. Even the non-Cameron Diaz ones.
Don’t dumb yourself down or try to sound any smarter than you really are. If you’re terrible at programming the dvd player, admit it - nothing is more attractive than a man who can laugh at himself. If you have kids…this could be split decision but in my opinion don’t bring them up. If you’re a great dad, that’s great - but shouldn’t really be used as a selling point.
Most importantly, though, just keep it light. I would imagine that treating your little advertisement as a first date would be a great jumping point. So remember - you don’t walk into a restaurant on your first date and blurt out “I’m still trying to get over my last relationship, I’m looking for something long-term with an active, thin woman who loves deep sea fishing and I’ve been through years of therapy due to some unresolved issues with my absentee dad.”, do you?